25.10.10 fighting ghosts.

for all the training i got, i'm totally not prepared for everyone's worst enemy: your very own self. honestly, i'm quite tired of chasing all the time, when the run is superbly one-way. heck, even my dreams are of one-way runs (believe me, i got up actually feeling tired from running) and it's been a long time since i had running dreams. the more interesting part was the conversation i had with the other person in it (i'm sorry, i have no idea who you were hurhur. great, i'm talking to my dream characters now):

"why didn't you hold me back then?"
"because i couldn't hold on to you."

aside from the fact that it sounds like some line straight out of a teen soap (it was a nice line honestly, albeit highly cliche), and the fact that it makes me sound like some wild horse, it was so vivid. it haunts me till now, which means i need to start occupying my time with that population reading beside me, but anyway.

it was really very vivid. the whole dream was vivid. all my running dreams are so vivid all the time (and very tiring as well). funny interjection, but i ended up watching the amazing race later (more running). at least i didn't have to run for the bus today haha.

perhaps what mum says is right. i'm getting way to involved, i shouldn't be affected and stuff. but i can't keep walking away right? and i know if i walk away this time, i'll be relieved, but it'd haunt me, just like those running dreams.

nothing's gone so terribly wrong yet. looks like i'm holding on. but the feeling of being thrown to the side and only looked up to when needed really sucks. is that the life of service for Him? looks like it.

haha funny, jyj's empty was playing, making me totally emo nemo haha. looks like i'll be getting that album after all haha.

Empty by JYJ

Girl I swear
I’m never going through this again
I know that you thought you’d win
And before I give you another try
I’d die

Love won’t make you cry or ask why
Oh why
So I’ll deny my heart cause I won’t live a lie
Why try

Your heart is empty
And you’re so cold
You don’t care about you and I
Your heart is empty
You won’t let go
But I’m walking out this time

Why can’t you let it go
Girl because your heart is empty
Why can’t you let it go
Girl because your heart is empty

There you go
Tryna tell me how to be a man
When that’s something you just don’t understand
It’s time to bring your truth to light
No lie

Love won’t make you cry or ask why
Oh why
So I’ll deny my heart cause I won’t live a lie
Why try

Your heart is empty
And you’re so cold
You don’t care about you and I
Your heart is empty
You won’t let go
But I’m walking out this time

Why can’t you let it go
Girl because your heart is empty
Why can’t you let it go
Girl because your heart is empty

Your heart is gone
My heart is strong
Leave me alone

Your heart is empty
And you’re so cold
You don’t care about you and I
Your heart is empty
You won’t let go
But I’m walking out this time

Why can’t you let it go
Girl because your heart is empty
Why can’t you let it go
Girl because your heart is empty

Give me strength to cross the water,
keep my heart upon Your altar.
Give me strength to cross this water,
keep my feet don't let me falter.