11.3.08
this is like a weekly magazine.
all because i don't have time to update. oh well, i started this because i like writing for writing's sake. it's 2 am and i feel like writing. and i'm very not done with pol sci readings but anyway.
so one week came and went like that. but looking back, it was mad, but it was fun haha. thursday's econs was alright i guess, to quote NCK that "no one has failed" haha. well, i don't expect to, i must be a really terrible loser if i do haha. rmss was like sai, because of the serious last minute studying coupled with tricky questions. but pigging out at waraku and getting lost at central after that with xt and l!x was super fun and made up for it haha.
alumni concert was surprisingly not bad, considering the kind of attendance we've been getting during practices haha. well, just goes to prove fye's theory that acbands improve exponentially haha. thanks to shoojy and xt and l!x for the flowers, and for coming! and it was really great seeing all the people i haven't seen in a long time haha.
i think that's one of the things i miss about performing. the thrill of being backstage (if there's any to begin with), the music, the groans of horror when you have to play abba gold for the 2123432905 time in your band life, doing silly things with the mighty horns again. it's the little things that you enjoy, that you miss the most. too bad there was church the next day, else i would have gone for supper with samm, jennchong and all the other people i've missed because i'm not as involved in acband anymore. it was good seeing you all again (:
another reason why i look forward to switz. i really hope it goes through.
speaking of writing, doing peer reviews of other essays, and doing the occasional editing of people's essays (namely, lee mongsuan's scholarship essays haha), i sometimes wonder if i made the right choice in you-knee. i mean, writing has always been the first love, and editing / journalism has always been the dream job that i thought i would enjoy. too bad the thought of chasing people and interviewing them when the last thing they need is an interview, and having your writing sort of stifled by big brother, coupled with the thought that i wouldn't be good enough to get through it, threw me off the idea of pursuing it. not that working with autism in children is not rewarding or anything, changyao and zhua li showed me that. i just feel a little, wasted, for lack of a better word, that something i'm relatively good at, should go just to academic essays and this place (which i love, nonetheless). i just hope that i can find some short term editing jobs, just for fun, during summer or the hols or something. just for fun. in the meantime, i'll be writing for writing's sake here. because it's free and you don't have to "be good enough" to write here. the "i'm not good enough" syndrome was something i should never have listened to, perhaps. but hey, psych is good stuff, so i'm not complaining.
in other thoughts, i'm tired of giving people wrong impressions. no, i'm not emo secretly haha. it's just that... i admit, i'm a little too forward with people for my own good. i just hope people whom i start drawing away from get the drift that it's time to pull back. for goodness sake, you're attached, and it's getting a little too close for comfort? and being some years older, you should be more mature. guys are just somewhat insensitive i guess. or maybe it's just you. or maybe i'm reading too deep into it. or maybe you can't see that i'm not comfortable with it. GUSH.
gets tough avoiding people. maybe that's why i'm hardly online nowadays. i'm withdrawing again, and i haven't done that in a long time. oh well, history repeats its vicious cycle. how annoying. note to self: i have to stop being so forward, maybe that's why withdrawing's easier.
i've said before i should never write when it's past 12 because i'm incoherent and not myself and all the safety censors are down and i start doing stupid things. haha, oh well, off to bed, there's pol sci to conquer tomorrow.
talk about verbal torrent haha. feels good, this first love, writing for writing's sake.
keep my heart upon Your altar.
Give me strength to cross this water,
keep my feet don't let me falter.
